Utter disappointment

Have you ever been so completely disappointed in someone that you cannot believe they did what they did? So disappointed that to even trust anything that person has said to be the truth?

This is what happened to me this week.  I want to clarify it was not my hubby that did this but someone else in my family near and dear to me. (I will not say whom out of respect for other family members and will just call this person M. D.-for the record my family does not read this blog)


This week I discovered a letter written to another family member that is now deceased. In the letter it described the adoption of the person whom I refer to as M.D. It basically just said that M.D. had been adopted out of a certain orphanage. It also described the age and look of the biological mother and father. This in itself was shocking but also answered a few questions surounding this adoption.


The letter went on to say that the biological parents wanted no contact and the orphange felt it "good" that said adopting parents (aka my family memebers) tell this person they were dead. Another shocker and first lie.


Finally, the letter stated that M.D. was of a certain heritage. Thus the beginnings of another lifetime  of lies and where I have become TOTALLY disappointed.


You see, M.D. did not find out this information until adulthood. Then in to M.D.'s adulthood perpetuated another lie to say that he/she was a certain heritage (one different from birth) and that is the only thing he/she knew about their heritage.


Knowing M.D. and being my family member, I was proud of that fact. I was proud to know that at least this part of my lineage was that heritage. In fact, in some ways it shaped me! I have even done certain things in my life thinking I was part of this heritage.


However, the fact of the matter is...I am not.


The letter and the lie have hurt my very being. Lies perpetuated from the very beginning that the letter was received. Unanswered questions that have only created more. M.D. is someone I dearly love and yet now, I wonder if anything he/she has ever said to me or others REALLY has been truthful or has it been some fabrication in his/her own mind?


The sad thing about all of this is I really cannot confront M.D. at this time about it. All that would do is disillusion and hurt countless other family memebers and yet, I do not want to continue to perpetuate the damage that has already been done. I am really not sure what to do.


Except for not sleep and blog about it.


Peace...Naila Moon