|A rare photo of me and Dad|
As today is Father's Day, I wanted to give some thoughts on how I felt about the day and how I feel about it now.
My Dad has been gone from this Earth for two years now. While he was here with me, my life with him from the time I was 19 years old until about 6 months before he passed was anything but always pleasant.
In fact, I spent over 20+ years being angry at him. I was hurt and resentful for almost all of that time. I wanted life with him to be what it was prior to my turning 19 but it wasn't.
It was also, not completely his fault. Although, it took me a long time to come to that realization.
My life with Dad prior to that time was a daughter's dream. I was his princess, the only girl, who really could do no wrong. I was truly Daddy's little girl.
|Dad one month before he passed away-Memorial Day 2011|
He came to my volleyball and basketball games, he taught me the art of photography, he taught me the art of advertisement, he taught me to ballroom dance, he laughed with me, washed my hair on occasion, he was there when I graduated from high school, and gave me my first typewriter for college. He was a part of my life.
What I didn't realize or what really he did not realize is that I was not perfect. I made mistakes and huge ones.
I will not get into what caused the rift between my Dad and I. It does not matter. What matters is that it happened and I spent the rest of his life as unhappy with him as he was with me. Father's Day for me was simply an uncomfortable day to give 'adoration' to someone I was not liking at all.
However, forgiveness is divine.
Six months before he passed away, I stayed with my parents an extra week at Christmas time. I needed to be with Dad because I felt, I would never see him again alive after that moment. It turned out not to be true but at the time, quite real.
I took the time to really talk to my Dad, tell him how I had felt over the years. Tell him I had been pissed and just wanted him to love me without all the conditions that had proceeded it.
What occurred it something I did not expect. First he said that it had been so many years that he did not even know why I was angry with him anymore. He just knew that I was. Then...
He asked me for forgiveness. Me.
In that very moment, all pain, all hurt, everything, was gone. Healing took place.
It turns out, that I moved back to Missouri where my parents were living. I spent the next 6 months in great relationship with my Dad. In fact, in an ironic turn of events, I was the ONLY person with my Dad when he passed on into the afterlife.
I watched him take his last breaths and then, he was gone. No more Father's Days.
I wish that I had not wasted so much time being angry and resentful. I wish that I could spend this Father's Day with him, but I can't.
What I can do though, is be grateful I had a beautiful 6 months with him in a peaceful, loving relationship and just being Daddy's little girl.
Remember to tell those you truly love, that you love them.
I love you Dad and miss you very much.
~MR aka Naila Moon